Hi all,

I wrote a first draft of a sales letter yesterday for a special report I'm writing. The letter seems to be getting a lot of positive feedback on another forum... in fact, I've had several people email me privately inquiring about my "copywriting services"

It's already presold quite a few copies of my yet-to-be-released report as well.

I'm kind of taken aback by this, so I thought I'd drop by here and put that unfinished letter to the ultimate test.

Is it really as good as others are saying it is??

http://www.bloglogic.net/warriors/letter.html

BTW, after rereading it today, I realized it's probably the only time you'll ever see the words "Elite" and "Greedy Bastards" used in the same sentence

Paul "what the heck is going on" Short

Hi Paul,

Well, I think your sales letter is "Swipe File" material!

But I have a question... if you REALLY are not trying to gather email addresses, why are you doing it this way (taking names to later notify people when the product is ready), instead of just waiting until your product is ready and SELLING it from this page? That explanation just doesn't ring true to me... however they are finding that "sign up" page, couldn't you use the same technique for the SALES page?

Also, just one thing in the page hit me somewhat negatively -- your example saying how 50 sites could earn a good yearly income. The thought of having to create 50 sites, even "simple, cut-and-paste" sites, seems overwhelming to me. But maybe it's cuz I do this internet marketing stuff in my spare time.

Hopefully you'll get some other feedback soon.

Overall, though, I think you've got yourself another winner (and I want your product)!

Paul,

Nice letter, but I, too agree with B-Lowe on the email address thing at the bottom of the page. The sales letter reads smoothly, and it has a good amount of voice (i.e., I enjoy reading it and it's certainly got personality). Nicely done.

BUT...

The Disclaimer for your No-Spam Policy email form cheapens your message for me a bit because it's big, red, bold. long and over-the-top obnoxious. I'm interested in your product, but not in sending you my email address kind of obnoxious...

So I'd tone that down just a bit.

I'm looking forward to the finished product!!!

Cheers,
Steven

Hi Bonnie and Steven,

Thanks for all the compliments on the sales copy.

I've just recently put the signup form on the page and instantly, people started signing up. There's an email coming in every few minutes.

Bonnie, I see your point and agree with you for the most part, but this wasn't an organized product rollout so there's a lot that could have been changed. I think the conflict of interest is adding to people's desire to get the actual report.

It's actually really cool, since I only posted on the Warrior Forum asking for feedback on the copywriting itself. Here's the thread -> http://warriorforum.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=36681

50 sites does seem daunting, and from first hand experience at building just a few.. It IS hard work. But I'm already seeing good income results and that's motivating me to keep doing more. Plus, I'm finding that it gets quicker and easier once you've developed your own organized little system.

Steven, You're absolutely right on that ugly disclaimer. Now that I've had some time to think and get some feedback on it, I'm rewriting it as a P.S. and blending it into the overall theme.

The headline style I learned from Michel, the bullets from Gary Halbert, the story and "mystery" thing from John Reese, and the rest from basically every bit of sales copy I've read before. The attitude factor came from my own emotions. Hopefully future letters will get a similar response

Thanks for the feedback. This is a learning experience for me, one I've learned some very valuable and unexpected things from.

Sincerely,

Paul Short

Brilliant Paul!

I loved it, great job.

In honor of your top-notch copy - I signed up!

Have a great week.

Tim

Thanks Tim

Paul Short

Paul,

I noticed your offer was no longer available. Is there any place your copy can still be viewed?

Thanks...John

ya.. I was kind of intrested to read that letter too...
Can we get a sneak peek ???
Varun