Thinking of a takeaway to use...

I was thinking of using this but then I thought I shouldn't
imply that tons of people aren't already buying the product.
But now I'm wondering if this would work for the right
audience. It's for people who have just been diagnosed with
a medical disease and want some information from a doctor.

Could I say - "I'm only going to continue offering this information
if there seems to be a need for it. If no one picks up a copy,
I'll probably stop paying to host this website."

Of course thats just the jist, not the actual words. But how do
you think that takeaway would do?

Cheers,
Stephen

Oh gosh, no, no, no!!

Sorry. It's just that my immediate reaction when reading that was "Well excuuuuse me!". That statement (not just that particular statement, but the entire idea) smacks of negativity. It also sounds like you somewhat anticipate failure, and that's no way to establish credibility in the eyes of your visitors.

Furthermore, the idea that you're proposing is not a 'takeaway' - it's a threat.

I'm not sure if what you have in mind is a 'takeaway' or a 'bonus'. A takeaway would be giving the visitor some kind of preview of the product before they actually buy. For example, you could give your users a free report or tip sheet in exchange for offering their email address. This is a good way to show your visitor that you do have helpful, important information to offer and that you know your stuff. That way they will feel more confident buying from you.

It's also a smart idea to offer your visitors one or more 'freebies' - bonuses - when they subscribe to your product. I don't know the true nature of what you're offering, but you could say something along the lines of (and this is just an example) - "Order within the next hour and I'll throw in a top-secret report full of information the pharmaceutical industry doesn't want you to see!"

Hope that helps.

Thanks for your comments.

I do think the ultimate answer to this question will be, "no, it doesn't
work." But you say your immediate reaction - and realize I would be
more suave in how I wrote the piece. The tone of the letter is supposed
to be written in a very trusting manner, and I think I could write the takeaway in a very honest manner that would continue that. If you saw
it in it's entirety, hopefully you wouldn't be taken as aback.

With "takeaway" I'm referring to anything that says they need to buy
right now. It could work with a bonus like you say - but there are other
methods of doing it.

I thought the method I used was interesting. And there's a reason why
I don't think it will work - which I'm waiting for someone to spot. You
may have touched on it in some of your response. But there's a part of
me that wants to test if it will work behind the rest of the copy I wrote.

Thanks Susan.

Anyone else?

By "takeaway" do you really mean "call to action?"

I agree with Susan. I don't see how your idea will increase sales; I think it'll do the opposite.

If you think our opinion would change if we "saw it in its entirety," then perhaps you should provide us with the link.

There 3 types of takeaways you can use:

1) Limiting the time
2) Limiting the quantity
3) Limiting the offer

The first is done by adding a deadline on the offer. A realistic deadline, and not some script that changes everyday. This is done very well when the product or the price is changing after the deadline, or simply no longer available. Take http://www.blogmastersecrets.com/ for example.

The second is limiting the number of units (stock) or openings (clients) available. Again, back it up with a realistic reason. Perhaps it's "fire sale" for products (products discounted because of minimal cosmetic damage, for example), or depleting stock of an older edition (and to make way for the new).

Or limiting the number of people for a number of reasons -- such as a service provider who can only take on a certain number of clients because there are so many hours in the day, or because it would dilute the value of the service. Etc, etc, etc. Take http://www.nicheology.com/signup.html for example.

The third is done through limiting other elements in the offer, such as the guarantee, the bonuses/premiums, the price (not a discount, but perhaps an imminent increase in price, perhaps to cover the extra costs in dealing with more customers), the packaging (bundled with other products or components that won't be available after "X" amount sold, etc), the extras (as in free support, installation or shipping), etc.

I like them all (especially when the reason is logical, justifiable and credible... especially when the product is truly limited, such as the Underachiever course I wrote the copy for, which was strictly limited to 700 packages only, and the site was taken down once they've reaced the limit).

But for convenience and flexibility, I prefer the "fire sale" as well as the third (especially with the bonuses). Because often, bonuses can be limited and changed, without limiting the sales of the base product or service.

This not only creates more believability (because it reduces the perception of "control" over the limitation, which may appear as self-serving or manipulative), but also the bonus may be sold elsewhere for real, and the 3rd party may thus put a limit on the quantity to distribute.

I did this with Stephen Pierce, for example, where he was giving away a software program -- one that complemented his infoproduct -- which was being sold by someone else on another website at a real price. Stephen managed to secure only a certain number of copies from the 3rd party.

In negotiation skills training, they call this the "higher authority" or "third party" gambit, where the limitation is truly outside of the owner's control... making the takeaway truly a takeaway, not some ploy.

You're right. A "call to action" would be more appropriate. I was
going off on a tangent while trying to be creative. Got myself
confused. A part of me thought I should try it - because I do
think for the target audience and with the rest of the copy, it
would create sympathy.

The problem, I believe, is sympathy isn't going to push the sale.
It's an inactive approach and I need something proactive. It was
one of those ideas that sounded good in the heat of the moment -
but died down with the fire.

Thanks Michel for breaking it down again. I'm going to throw in
one of your examples.

Cheers,
Stephen