Back in my hypnosis days, I wrote an ad that didn't do very well.

I just found it recently and wanted to get your thoughts on it.

Of course, it's not a live ad for a current office or product.

Here goes.

This was a full page newspaper ad:

Do You Think You Can’t Lose Weight?

There’s a very good reason why diet after diet fails you,
Why you can’t seem to lose weight no matter how hard you try...

Here Is How Hypnosis Works For Thousands of South Floridians
Here is the blunt truth about dieting, and one remarkable, weight loss plan that actually works.

By Stuart Kilstein M.D.

There is, right here in Florida a complete approach to weight loss that really works. That’s why I am so deeply concerned when I see people who honestly want to lose weight, look better and be healthier bitterly disappointed by their weight loss efforts....

Half-truths and misinformation are everywhere, and they deeply concern me. I’ve decided to step forward and present the truth about Life Changing Weight Loss....

If you’ve tried diet after diet after diet and have still been unable to lose weight, it’s probably NOT YOUR FAULT. In fact, there are several very real reasons why this has happened to you - why your dieting efforts have been doomed to failure right from the start. I promise you, YOU CAN LOSE THE WEIGHT YOU WANT TO LOSE, whether 15 pounds or 50 pounds, systematically, and steadily, without starvation, severe ‘impossible’ diets, massive exercise, dangerous pills, and drugs. What I see in weight loss can be grouped into three categories, and it all deeply concerns me:

One: The Ridiculous And The Outrageous.

One heavily promoted diet after another focuses on eating only one or two magic foods. The grapefruit diet, the steak and bacon diet, the cabbage soup diet. Any of these may temporarily cause you to shed some pounds, but you put the weight right back on (and often add more) - because nobody can actually stick to one of these diets. And many of them may actually be dangerous if you use them for any length of time, because they can deprive your body of vital nutrients you need.

Two: The Impossibly Complicated.

Diet plans that require calorie counting, food exchange counting, calculating glycemic indexes, carefully combining only certain foods, (and that pretty much rules out eating in restaurants,) or require you to eat only “rabbit food” simply do not work because it would take superhuman, iron-willed self-discipline to stick to them They are NOT realistic.

Three: The Dangerous “Magic Pills”, Drugs Or “Potions”.

Look, we would all like to swallow a pill that won’t let the fat molecules stick, that burns off body fat while we sleep, and that lets us eat all the pizza and ice cream and cake we want and still lose weight. And if there actually was such a thing, I promise you it would be prescription only, a big drug company would own it, and you’d get it from doctors. These promises are inaccurate and sometimes misleading. Then there are the “shakes” and the “diet bars.”

Which has more sugar? - a can of cola or a can
of a popular Weight Loss “Shake”??

Listen, excess sugar is converted directly to body fat. Sugar sabotages weight loss and even accelerates aging. A can of cola has 8-10 teaspoons of sugar, just 2 more than the 8 teaspoons of sugar in the can of the weight loss shake. Most of the “diet bars” are also loaded with sugar, or high in carbohydrates, or full of other “junk” and ‘toxic fats” that makes them barely better than eating a candy bar.

Are You Ready For Serious, Legitimate, Honest Weight Loss That Really Works, Based On A Sound Medical & Psychological Model?

PICTURE YOURSELF - enjoying, even gloating over the compliments you’re receiving from amazed friends, family, your spouse.... the same people who’ve seen you “fail” with one useless diet after another. The same people who, privately, think you’re a “quitter” with “no willpower”. Now they see a new, thin, energetic you, down one, two, three dress sizes, and they are amazed and maybe even jealous.

IMAGINE YOURSELF actually eager to visit the gym to exercise or go for a bike ride or a walk, brimming with energy. IMAGINE yourself putting on a sexy dress or bathing suit and liking what you see in the mirror! THE WEIGHT LOSS SUCCESS THAT HAS ELUDED YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN CAN FINALLY BE “REAL” FOR YOU.

So, what’s “The Hypnosis Secret?” Please: stop thinking there’s going to be one magic secret. There is not. There’s absolutely nothing “secret” about permanent weight loss.. But here’s why it will work for you, even if you’ve tried diet after diet....

Dieting fails for three main reasons...

First, behavioral and emotional support. “One size fits all” diets cannot work for you, because you are a unique person, and there are almost certainly real emotional and behavioral reasons why you are overweight. We can only find and correct these things and get these obstacles out of your way with hypnosis to reprogram your habits and emotional responses.

Second, because they are “generic” or the “same for everybody.” Instead, you need a customized, personal eating and nutrition plan that will work with your life.

Third, because they require superhuman willpower, giving up too many things all at once, are ridiculously complicated, and usually offer little or no psychological support for the habits you do need to change. We directly approach and help you with all three of these “diet failure factors”. And More!

16 reasons why our Positive Changes Hypnosis WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM is superior to any other way you might try to lose weight..why you can get positive results even if you’ve tried to lose weight but have been disappointed 100 times before...
1. NO calorie counting (or other complicated “counting”).
2. NO starvation diets.
3. NO hunger pains.
4. NO potentially dangerous prescription drugs.
5. NO painful shots.
6. NO prepackaged “TV dinner” meals to buy.
7. YES 100% trained professional hypnotists.
8. YES You can eat real “supermarket” and “restaurant” food.
9. YES You can lose weight and inches. LOOK thinner & younger.
10. YES You can convert body fat to muscle even without strenuous exercise, although we typically recommend a modest amount of exercise.
11. YES You can master the psychological and physical factors of healthy living.
12. YES Your overall energy, vitality, and stamina can improve.
13. YES You can be healthier. (Some patients may experience improved cholesterol levels, lower blood pressure, and/or improved sugar control).
14. YES You get personal attention at Positive Changes and their expert team of hypnotists.
15. YES! You get our incredible no-risk guarantee. If after your first hypnosis session, you don’t feel that hypnosis is for you, just let us know before you leave our offices and we will refund your money – no questions asked.
16. YES! You get our amazing money-back guarantee. If in the scientific time frame based on the Surgeon General's guidelines, you have not achieved your weight loss goals, we will refund every penny you paid for our program! No other weight loss program would make this bold guarantee.

What About The Cost?
This is a complete program, including thorough lifestyle changes. Obviously, it is not a “blue light special”. Over time, the costs of staying overweight, in ill health, in money wasted on doomed-to-fail diets, certainly far exceeds your investment in this program. More importantly, only you can decide just how valuable health, energy vitality, the thinner, slimmer, more attractive body you’ve envisioned and the peace of mind of knowing you are receiving your weight loss assistance from a professional team is worth to you. For example, is it worth as much as your last or next vacation? I suggest you make this decision AFTER your initial consultation, when you have all the facts. Then YOU decide.

Openings are now available for Positive Changes
Weight Loss Programs

What happens next? You simply call and schedule your initial consultation for FREE hypnotic weight loss evaluation. The number of initial free consultations we can accommodate each month is limited. If you delay in calling, those may be taken, and you will be offered a place on our waiting list. The first step is your FREE weight loss consultation. For your appointment, please call 800-770-xxxx ext L104.


If Not Now, When? If Not This Program, How?
I have a few final thoughts. The fact that you have read this far, through this entire, lengthy article obviously speaks loudly. You MUST be concerned about your health, you must desire a slimmer, more attractive body, you must have been frustrated and disappointed with previous “diets” and attempts to lose weight.

Having read this entire article, being desirous of really losing weight, and being offered a FREE hypnotic consultation and a professional weight loss program from a team of professionals, why wouldn’t you call? If you do not make the positive decision to finally succeed now - when will you? What more would it take to motivate you to action?


Please Call Right Now 800-770-xxxx ext L104.

If you are not going to finally take a sensible, natural, safe, medically sound approach to weight loss with our Program, then how else are you going to get rid of those unwanted pounds and inches? I hope that you have finally learned the honest truth, diets don’t work!

Please understand, it does not matter whether you want to lose just 5 pounds or 20 pounds or even 50 pounds, one dress size or three dress sizes, this IS a natural, lifestyle change, weight loss program. Why fool around with anything less?

I am excited about the opportunity to help YOU lose the weight and inches and fat you want to lose.

You will be treated at my office with the utmost courtesy, compassion and respect. You will NOT be kept waiting or treated like a “number.” Every person on my team is really dedicated to you reaching your goals. Present patients refer over 50% of our new patients, and we take pride in that, and work very diligently to earn your trust and deserve your referrals. Our Program can work for you.

THE POSITIVE CHANGES HYPNOSIS™ WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM
With offices in Broward and Miami-Dade. To schedule your free weight loss consultation simply call toll free 1-800-770-xxxx ext L104.

P.S.: Yes, I know weight loss ads are supposed to be full of “before and after” pictures and dramatic stories of women spurning their ex-husbands in restaurants, walking by 30 pounds trimmer, in a sexy evening gown, and loaded with “testimonials”. Though it defies all the “rules” of marketing, I have decided not to insult your intelligence with “soap opera dramatics”. I certainly do have many exciting patient success stories, before and after photos and favorable comments. You can see many of them when you visit my clinic – most of them in the individuals’ own handwriting.

But, what is most important is YOUR SUCCEESS STORY, your customized weight loss plan, your measurable and visible results – and that cannot happen unless you pick up the telephone and make the toll free call to 800-770-xxxx Ext L104, to arrange your consultation.

P.P.S. I know that people who have failed many times really hesitate to take that first step. With my money back guarantee, I eliminate all the risk. In fact, when you enroll in a program in my clinic within the next ten days, I will give you an additional free personal hypnosis session that you can use to change any habit or behavior that you want. This is a $250 value that is yours free if you act now. Bring this letter in for this special bonus.

P.P.P.S. Just walk in to Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, LA Weightloss, Nutri-system, or Quick Weight Loss Centers and ask for your money back if you don’t lose the weight. See what happens. Now, who believes their program really works and who just wants your money? Pick up the phone and call right now 800-770-xxxx ext L104.

I can't imagine these headlines catching attention. I mean, maybe the first one works, but then you have 3 or 4 more, and none of them really flow with each other. It would be like me walking up to you and saying, "Hey, do you want to toss ball? My pen won't write. Did you have bananas for lunch?"

Then again, maybe you're listing several headlines that you tested against each other. I can't tell.

Do You Think You Can’t Lose Weight? =

Do You Think You Can Lose Weight? = Probably a better headline.

Here Is How Hypnosis Works For Thousands =

Here is How My Methods Works For Thousands

Personally when I read the best ads I mostly don't know the method/threatment/solution before I'm near the end of the sales text/letter. Curiousity killed the cat you say in America. I say Curiousity never kills the sale.


You can't educate an audience or drive through your own points by pointing
out flaws in other peoples systems/products. You just come across as desperate.

Also I see lots of begging and desperate attempts to get their money here?

I most say, you really wrote this one?You most have been new in your diapers.. it flows really bad too.

It's miles away from most of your other ads I've read from you.. which Is a good thing

Too many negatives that discourage the reader before they get to the solution...

True, that too..

I can't belive Harlan wrote this, then there is hope for me too!

Agree it's the saying "hypnosis" too early that killed it, I was reading til I got to that and it's a speed bump that made me quit reading immediately. Likely preconceived notions about hypnosis, visual images of being on stage and being told to bark like a dog etc fueled ridicule/low self imagery which would also kill the pitch for prospects in that particular market.

Re-reading it again, the copy is solid, very well written... I would've not mentioned hypnosis anywhere in the letter, made that part of the "step 2" in the process.. I would've therefore called it just the "POSITIVE CHANGES WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM" (nice title), and eliminated the word hypnosis. It's referring to hypnosis that killed this pitch, imo. The unwashed masses are clueless about the power of NLP and hypnosis and likely have kneejerk negative reactions to it.

I'm still a student of NLP/hypnosis; once I learn how to properly reference anchors and use leading/pacing in my videos I'll be unstoppable. And of course, Harlan, you've been a great leader/role model in integrating hypnosis/NLP principles with copywriting, so thanks a million for that.

-k

I'll go out on a limb here and say...

The headline does not convey a benefit in terms of appearance or health which are the 2 overriding reasons why people want to lose weight.

It's trying to make "weight loss" in and of itself, "the benefit." It spends a good deal of time agitating lousy diets but does so with no connection to these benefits.

What it has in credibility from a doctor it lacks in passion from personal stories of success using this method (hypnosis). Such testimonials would likely contain references to better health or better appearance but it doesn't have them.

As such, this "one-size-fits-all" approach fails to make the benefits of weight loss easy to picture in the reader's mind.

That said, a passing reference to looking better is made but it's not till the bold subhead, "PICTURE YOURSELF," and that's pretty far along to be introducing a primary benefit.

These are interesting.

Keep em coming....

You paid too much for the ad space!