Hi all

There seems to be alot of the above in
story type sales letters. Especially the Biz Op market ..
Going through the wrietrs personal circumstances ie.I was
destitute, until one day I watched a video, and my life turned around,etc

There's not a lot of "you".

What do you all think ?
Do they work?
Do you write these type? Or do you always keep it to
the "you" factor.

thanks Mark

You want to establish a sense of intimacy with the reader, and sometimes using a story told in the first person is the best way to do that. But you do need to be really careful that using "I" is moving the reader to the place you want him to go, and not pushing him away because the copy is self-centered.

And I would add that it helps a lot if the story is true!! A lot of them feel empty to me and I don't really believe them.

Jane

Hi Jane,

You lend so much balance to this board, this place wouldn't be the same
without you! Continue to keep us all level headed and veiwing
things from the other side of the fence.

Kind Regards,

Ray Edwards,
"the gets results copywriter!"

What a coincidence! This is the very topic of my Marketing Minute today.

I wrote it because I noticed that even my advanced copywriting students were having trouble coming up with "you" copy when they were writing about themselves.

You can read it here:
http://www.yudkin.com/marksynd.htm

Comments are welcome.

Marcia Yudkin

Jane,

You used "I" twice... once in each of your two sentences....

On to the question:

Perhaps it's a result of laziness on the writer's part. What do you think? If they went back through the letter carefully, the "unnecessary I's" could be removed.

Example: When I wrote the above paragraph, my first inclination was to write...

"I think it's a result of laziness on the writer's part..."

Since the whole topic of this post is "I" and the subject wa fresh in my mind -- I chose to lead with "Perhaps..."

Make sense?

Let's talk about when it's ok to use "I." As Eileen referred to. How
do you make sure you're moving the copy where you want to go
without using very many "you's?" Michel's copy at trafficsecrets.com
is an example. http://www.rare-baseball-books.com/ is another.

Cheers,
Stephen

Ray,

Aw - shucks

Nice to be appreciated.

Jane