Can anyone tell me if this phrases are ok? if not. What should I change? How would you rewrite them?


1.- Are you unable to keep your blog up to date?

2.- Don´t you know what to blog about?

3.- Would you like to see your posts in other blogs?

Thanks for your help

Hi Rafael, welcome to the forum,

If you give some more detail about your' product/website and what you are trying to achieve there are some very talented copywriters here who should be able to help.
One thing that stands out to me (and as you will see by my number of posts I am just learning) is that your' first 2 statements make your' potential customer feel totally stupid.

You need to make these same statements much more positive. The sentiment is good but you need to re-phrase. If someone is intelligent enough to produce a good blog and create some revenue to spend on more exposure they will really be upset to admit to being unable or be accused of not knowing.
I really think bullet points would be better instead of numbers because it seems to de-value points 2 and 3. My advice would be the following:

**Discover a way to keep your unique blog fresh 24/7

**Find undescovered niches that will quadruple your visitors

**Release the secret powers of rss to update your visitors every time that they switch their computer on

Hope this helps

Chris

I am new so please don't take my advice as concrete, any veterans able to correct me?, I am learning so would be happy to learn from you.

Hi Rafael,

Welcome aboard!

I usually tell people when I'm critiquing copy to avoid asking questions in the copy... unless you have a slam-duck answer that the majority of your readers will ask.

Example from a local sports talk radio station ad that I've heard:

"Men, do you want better sex more often?"

It's tough to recommend exactly how to change that part of your copy without seeing the whole sales letter.

Here's one way I might do it...

Instead of: "Are you unable to keep your blog up to date?"

I might use "If you can't keep your blog up to date, then you need product xyz".

That's really, really rough but hopefully you see what I mean. Again, without seeing the sales letter I can't give you real accurate advice.

Hope that helps,

Mike

Disclaimer: No Actual Ducks Were Harmed In The Production Of This Post.

Err... make that Slam-DUNK.

Thanks Omar for pointing out my typo.

Mike

lol no problem, but reading it killed me. I love typos and grammatical errors.

Welcome to Engrish.com! <---- for those who are easily entertained.

Hi Chris,

Thanks for your replay. Let me give you some more details. The statements are part of a new web 2.0 service for bloggers Bligter: Making blogging easier. The website is, basically, a place where bloggers can get posts, written for other bloggers, to publish in their blogs. Otherwise, for publishers the site can help to improve their post distribution and get more backlinks as its blogentries might end up published in other users' blogs (they will, obviously, get the credit for each post published as at the bottom of it will appear the name of the author linking to its blog).

The first statement is to refer to the sentiment that many bloggers have after a time of blogging. They struggle to keep their blogs fresh. You know how hard it might be for common people to write on a regular basis.

The second one is to refer to those bloggers wanting to talk about something they do not have the expertise.

The third one is to refer to the benefit of posts distribution and inbound links.



Thanks again.