Opening Lines In Sales Copy

Writing a great opening line can massively increase your response rate.

Most people know that headlines are important but every word and image that appears in that first screen shot or on that first page of your copy is absolutely vital.


Recently I rewrote a sales page for online split testing software guru Frank Bauer.

The rewrite increased the response by around 100%.

Then we started split testing a few other changes.

When we changed the opening line the response jumped by another 95%.

Never underestimate the power of an opening line.

Here's an opening line from a novel that kind of gets your attention...

"Long ago, shortly after my mother's blood was sluiced from the streets of Changeover and her body was burned upon a funeral pyre, I suffered what the experts called a 'breakdown.' That seems to be a woefully inadequate word to me."


Then in the same gruesome tone here's a great opener by brilliant copywriter Brian Keith Voiles where he talked about his surgery for a brain tumour...

"They Cut Across the Top of My Head From Ear to Ear, Peeled My Face. I thought I Had Died When I Saw Myself In the Mirror.."

When you read an opening line like that it forces you to keep reading.

I talk more about opening lines in this post...
Secrets To Story Telling That Multiplies Your Sales

In sales copy it pays to write the most compelling intriguing opening line you can devise.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

P.S. So what's the most compelling, I-have-to-keep-reading-this opening line you've read in a book, article or in a salesletter?

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Notice as you get more specific with your opening lines and start INSIDE the story they gets more compelling.

Start in the story and be specific. For example

"I'm embarrased to admit when I started online I spammed 10,000 unfortunate people from a list I bought from some dodgy merchant. When they shut down my email account I realized I had a lot to learn about internet marketing."

etc.

My high school English teacher (who is still the best and meanest writing teacher I've ever seen) used to beat us around the head if we dared to state the obvious.

She'd say things like "I don't want to see 'I am writing to you because' in your buisiness letters. It's redundant. It's obvious you're writing to them. They're holding the letter aren't they?"

In the same way great writing is about going beyond the obvious to the story behind it by using specific language.

Don't start by telling me you have a confession to make, start by telling me what that confession is.

"My darkest confession is that deep in the night I dream of covering Britanny Spears in hot treacle. And you won't believe what she says to me as it's dripping down her thighs..."

Actually I don't dream of any such thing but you get the idea.

Start inside the story with your opening line and use specific language wherever you can.

Rewrite your copy to make every word more specific.

For more on this topic check out the post "Secrets To Story Telling That Multiplies Sales at...
http://www.copywritersboard.com/copy...our-sales.html

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

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A couple more key points.

Some people confuse opening lines with headlines.

The format of copy is usually...

1. Prehead
2. Headline
3. Subhead
4. Image or name of author (optional)
5. Opening line


I think it's important to note that many of the opening lines that were used offline are far less effective online.

If you're sending a letter in the mail you starting with a line like "Dear Friend" makes the letter look a lot like it was written from someone they know (it's imitating a personal letter).

That opening is superfluous online.

It's far more important to get attention.

In a similar way lines like "I've got to get this off my chest before I explode" are not bad but if you start inside the story it becomes far more powerful, eye-grabbing and invokes more curiousity.

For example...

"When I saw this 15 year old kid's software churning out unique web page after unique web page I thought my chest would explode from the excitement."

Online copy is getting harder and harder as attention spans are getting shorter and shorter.

You really have to make every single word and image in that first screen shot of your sales copy stop your propsect and force them to keep reading.

Then you have a chance.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

27 Copywriting secrets in these samples from copywriter Andrew Cavanagh

FREE 59 minute copywriting audio "How to find a hungry market online"

For you living in the USA, treacle is a sweet syrup used in Britain and Australia.

It is primarily made of molasses/sugar and used in recipes as a sweetener...

It's also great poured over vanilla ice cream and has the consistancy and sweetness of honey.

Andrew, sorry for interrupting your thread, but some folks here may have never heard of treacle.

Great thread by the way... great information!

Dammit, I wanna know lol.


Dabney

Dabney,
Some things are better left using your imagination.

Has anyone seen Herschell G Lewis' writing on intros?

What are other resources folks recommend for intro ideas?

For more on intros check out this thread...
http://www.copywritersboard.com/copy...our-sales.html

We are entering a new age of intros to sales copy because online it's getting harder and harder to get your prospect's attention.

Many of the old standard opening lines are just not as effective as good solid writing.

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh
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This is what Brittany Spears says as that treacle is dripping down her thighs...

Oh sorry got a phone call.

I'll have to tell you later.

Andrew
Free online copywriting course

Here's a nice opening line from Dan Kennedy's book "The Ultimate Sales Letter":

"One sage said, "Writing is easy. You just sit down at the typewriter, slit your wrists and give blood."

Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh
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