Hi guys, on the sales page it's usually better to appear personal, as if one friend is telling another friend about this great solution.
But what about the order page -- the page with the cc form?
Should it have the same style as the sales page or should be appear corporate and serious? I'm not talking about the layout of the page, but the copy. The last few bits used to convice the person to place the order.

For example, on one order page I have the following paragraph among other stuff (this is right below the order form):
Would it be better to use I/me instead of we/us and use more personal tone? Or is it better to make it look "official" and corporate?

ADDED:

I'm not talking about the quality of the pargraph I posted, just the difference of personal vs. corporate approach on the order form.

I think the tone or conversational style on the order page should match the style on the sales page...but I'm interested in hearing what others say.

I agree.

Dale King

Here is another bit from the page:

We don't keep your credit card number. It is passed straight to the bank in real time and then deleted right away.

Should it be?

I don't keep your credit card number. It is passed straight to the bank in real time and then deleted right away.

That sounds kinda strange.

Same deal -- if the sales page is written in the first person ("I"), then stay consistent on the order page, and likewise if the sales letter was written by "we."

Is it something that's been tested before and is the preferred practice in the industry? Or should I split-test it myself?

If it's deleted right away and then someone requests a refund how do you process the refund? Do they have to give you their card number again? I know as a bricks and mortar merchant my wife and I had to keep all the card transactions for at least 2 years. Don't you have the same requirement?

Just wondering.

I ask them for the number again to issue a refund.

This is just a nuance, but important nonetheless:

If you say "we" don't keep your credit card number, a customer could think that "we" includes the company processing your charge. This is just not true. Whomever the merchant account holder is, and/or Authorize.net, does keep their credit card number on file, as proof of the transaction. This is a requirement of Visa/MC among others.

If you are using a third-party provider (like 2CO etc.) and you don't keep their credit card number, now that is true. So in that case, you should use the phrase, "I" don't keep your credit card number. 'Cause you don't.

Then there is no question who exactly doesn't have their #.

Bailey

I'll probaly remove that line completely because I think it does more harm than good by raising a concern that many prospects might not even consider at the time of purchase.

In any case, what I'm interested in is wether the official tone on an order page make the prospects feel safer when the time comes for them to hand over their money, when the sales page uses a personal tone.