About 12 months ago I persuaded 2 friends of mine (2 authors) to transform their already published book, "Money Management for Women", into an ebook to sell over the web. Afer all , information products were supposed to make you rich on the Internet weren't they?

We slaved over converting the book into a PDF and creating the ecommerce capability. We wrote the sales page, and sold nothing. We rewrote the sales page and sold....2 copies.

This time it was time for a full overhaul, and after listening to Jason Potash's recent copywriting webinar, I went to town on the copy. I decided to drive some targeted traffic using google Adwords and selecting the ad to show for Australian searchers only focusing on targeted relevant keywords, and implying that it was for the interest of women in the ad creative.

The traffic's been coming through for 2 weeks now, and (you guessed it) no sales.

Any helpful comments, good bad or ugly, are most welcome.

The sales page? http://www.sheilafreemanconsulting.b...nagement.shtml

Thanks in Advance

Janet

At a very quick glance, two things popped up...

1) Your headline is very weak. It says something you'll see on every other sales page. "How to eradicate your money worries for ever....." Every moneymaking, moneysaving program out there says the same thing. Be different. Think of a headline that tells your story, or piques their curiosity.

I would venture to say that, when people hit your page, they click away fast because they're not drawn into it.

Find a "hook." Something different, unique, original. Something that tells your story. Perhaps even a controversial storyline. You mentioned a few... Like "preventing your 'ex' from downloading debt on you" or "sexually transmitted debt." Great points. Maybe a headline that says:

Preheadline...

"Attention Women! Shocking News Your 'Ex' or Creditors or Chauvanistic Salesmen Don't Want YOU to Hear..."

Then, bigger and bolder headline...

"Eradicate Debt, Boost Your Bank Account and Stave Off Sexually-Driven Financial Harassment In Only 7 Steps!"

Or something like that. Again, this is just an example.

2) You have too many links at the bottom. Remove all of them. Keep them focused on your letter and your sales pitch. If you give them a way out, they will take it.

The thing is, your ordering process seems a little convoluted, and it might scare people off. I would only ask for their name and email address, and then they go to the order form. This form is not secure, and I wouldn't put my physical address in an insecure form.

Add credit card logos (Visa, MC) for credibility. And tell people they will be redirected to a secure server. IF they bail out at the order form, at least you got their name and email address, which you can use to email or put on an autoresponder for following up with them.

My quick 2 cents.

Sheila,

My first impression is this... I agree with Mike, headlines like that get the ... "oh yeh, prove it" reponse. You copy doesnt prove it.

Look there are some good bits in the copy. You need a fresh angle, a human touch. This is an emotional subject and I suspect needs to be approached that way.

Do you have a story? Tell it. Women that have been there will relate to it. They will attach themselves to the read and go with it. At the moment it reads a little cold!

It took me over a year to sell my first ebook. Beyond that I sold around 2-3,000 up to date.

Why so long? Lack of proof. The proof was in my weekly letter. It proved to my subscribers that I was the real Mc Coy and I could help them and relate to them. Maybe you should take this line at some point. Create a simple newsletter that maybe only has to be mopnthly. Over time this builds the proofs you need to start getting sales.

Brief I know but hopefully, helpful.

Thanks so much for the replies guys. I especially like the idea of telling a "story". We have a number of case studies in the book that would be suitable.

I've also been thinking that it would be worth creating different versions of the sales page depending on the keywords used to reach that page via Google Adwords. For example, someone looking for help on their household budget will have different hot buttons to someone who has bankruptcy concerns. Whilst the whole "sexually transmitted debt" issue is catchy and creates interest it is only one chapter in a book which covers a gamut of money management topics. Perhaps that's why the current headline doesn't work so well - it is too broad.

So perhaps a headline and "Story" that relates to the words they used to find the site would help the sales process and stop "cognitive dissonance", with a stronger focus on their felt need.

Hi Janet,

I think you got some good advice from the boys, and I definitely think you should go with your own idea of different pages for different interests.

I must say I was quite bemused reading a list of benefits for financial control when suddenly I was hit with "traps to watch out for when buying a car" - eh? Where did that come from? See that should be in the "You can't join them, so you may as well beat them at their own game guide to car buying for women". In fact, if someone wrote an ebook on buying cars and dealing with garages for women, I would buy it.

It sounds to me like you might even have more than one book on your hands.

Bottom line - I couldn't work out what the book was about or who it was for. One minute it's financial planning and budgetting, and next it's buying cars, funeral plans and the law of contract. I wouldn't normally expect to see all of that in one book. Could this mean that the appeal is too broad, and therefore too difficult to sell online?

Michel makes a good argument for nicheing - you can charge more and life just gets a lot easier. What if you broke the book down into more easily digestible mini-books - selling one at a time. And then, having got a person's email address, upsold them to the other mini-books in the series? (plus you could still always advertise the entire book as an upsell to the mini-book they're considering buying). Sell the mini-books for $8.95 (let's say you broke it down into 3 segments), or the whole thing for $25.

Another idea is to include a TOC, so that people can see exactly what they're getting, and you might also include a sample chapter (or 2) in exchange for their email address.

The point is this - why are my financial issues any different to a man's? I don't perceive them to be different, but them I'm not married and any man that thinks he's going to take advantage would probably have to hire the combined forces of the American and Chinese armies to prove his point. So anything that smacks of "victim" woman is out the window instantly for someone like me.

There are lots of women who would like to be better informed on such topics as superannuation and contracts, who do not necessarily fall into the category of "left holding the baby ... and the debts". Am I the only person who would be turned off by the insinuation that because I'm a woman, I've been left in a weak position by my ex's and society?

To summarise: segment your market and your offering to the interests of each segment.

I suspect that browsing in a book shop (where you can hone in on the chapters relevant to you, and ignore those which are not), is quite different to selling the exact same material online where the buyer can't see the product, and doesn't know whether you're trustworthy or not.

Oh yes - the wording on your guarantee:

What does this mean? Do I have to prove to you that I have taken the action advised in the book? Which action(s)? (there could be hundreds).

I would not feel terribly secure with this guarantee because I'm not interested in guarantees that require me to prove you wrong. It is not specific enough to mean anything to me. All I'm interested in is whether or not I received value.

In fact I saw a 3 stage guarantee today, where stage 3 was "test drive this for a full year", and if at the end of that year you can demonstrate that you've tried 10 strategies and they haven't made you an additional £x to cover the cost of your subscription, then I'll refund the difference.

Now, come on. That's just salesman's bluster. Who can prove any of it either way? Anyone fancy a court appearance?

In the case of an e-book it is hard to make an unconditional guarantee because once it's been downloaded, the person has full access to it. forever.

However, you are already paying your hosting fees and PPC stuff anyways, so you may as well test and go to the court of last recourse - your customers. How about this - test drive the book for 90 days - if it didn't help you to <blah blah and blah> then ask me for my no quibble, 100% money back refund. The beauty of longer guarantees is this:
apathy, laziness and latency are all on your side. Not to mention forgetfulness. One way of the other, most people will never challenge you to refund their money because they're not primed to ask for it at the end of the month (oh, I've got until December - I'll look at it next month), and most people will not ask if they know they have received value that equates to the money they paid out.

That's my tuppence worth. Hope it helps.

Thanks so much janeology. I appreciate very much your issues on the "woman" thing. The hardcopy book was written out of Sheila's experience as a financial counsellor and dealing with so many women who really didn't have a clue, and who were intimidated by information that was available for "everyone". Yes there are men who don't have a clue either, but the style, tone and graphics of the book are aimed at a female audience in order to make it accessible to them. To re-edit the copy to make it universal would be huge.

We have actually discussed taking sections out of the book and making parts of it stand alone. A "budget kit" for example is one of the ideas.

Actually there is a table of contents and a sample chapter - just above the guarantee! Obvously it is not obvious enough! Because I certainly know you read the guarantee

Also thank you Alan for your advice, we do already have a monthly newsletter called Smart Money, but it's slow going getting subscribers (yes we have a newletter archive so people can see what they're subscribing to). Google does not allow popups on landing pages from Adwords which makes it difficult to capture non-buyers (and potential subscribers) with an exit popup from these pages.

All the feedback has been very helpful. It does not matter how much you read and try to learn on copywriting, it's when you apply it for yourself that the rubber really hits the road and other people's impressions are like gold in refining the final product.

I've "paused" the adwords campaign for the moment while I work on all these ideas.

Thanks again for all advice.

Hi Sheila,

I'm curious to know if you clearly target women in your adwords.

If you do target women and your visitors are women, obviously that's good and you've got that step behind you.

Your average visitor's stay is 2.25 minutes which indicates they're scanning the entire piece, doing their part to give you a chance - also good.

"This is not a ...scheme..." totally throws me. It's an ebook. That's a simple enough idea that doesn't need to be addressed in a headline. The strategy behind that headline - to tip readers off as to the contents of the book will be addressed in the TOC or bullet points. Using that headline knocks me off my assumption that you might have an intelligent strategy to handle money. Now, I think there's something convoluted in the book, rather than a strategy. You're talking product here and you want to talk benefits.

In reference to the copy that follows that subhead:
I'm not a fan of the word "show". It's not strong enough. People would rather "get" peace of mind or "have" control over finances than be shown. Show implies work on my part somewhere along the way. They know that on some level, so no need to remind them. (Instant gratification "I'll buy the book and have peace of mind").

I would remove your name from the very top. Unless you're a recognized expert, there such as Suze Orman is here, in the US. It competes with your headline and engages me in an extraneous thought process. "Who's Sheila, where are her credentials?") Under the (very nice) book cover, "3000" has the same effect on me. "Is that a lot?" I would change that to read "Thousands" and leave it at that.

Consider leading with the first testimonial and give the city of the retail assistant's residence along with an email address, if she's willing to have that made public. If not, the city will do just fine. That might be a good lead into a story. Try it and see what you think. Nothing clever. Just tell the truth about how this book came to be.

My father died when I was 5 years old. My mother didn't have a clue about finances, but tragically, overnight, did have the mission of raising 5 children on her own imposed on her. She hadn't worked in years and had let her nursing license expire. That's where she started. She was stuck and frightened. No, I mean frightened to the bone. Here are the steps she took to take control over her finances, put three kids through college resulting in one becoming an attorney and two others, Ph.D.'s.

Interested? Engaged? Intrigued by the fortitude of this woman and thinking: "If she can do it under those circumstances, so can I without those challenges". True story or not, it's human drama on a real scale that effectively pulls people in.

Isn't that really what your ebook is about? How finances really impact our lives.

Before closing the sale, build value by talking about all the money, time, training they'll be getting for just $20 bucks.

Just echoing thoughts already expressed.


Peter Stone

Absolutely.

In fact, I would be as specific as possible and quantify that as much as possible. I often say that a good benefit is one that's: 1) measurable, 2) quantifiable and 3) time-bound. And a good way to do that is to translate, as Dan Kennedy would say, into an apples-to-oranges comparison.

In other words, compare the value of the ebook in terms of hours, dollars and labor that...

1) It took for the author to learn and write about it...
2) It saved the person by reading and learning from it...
3) It would cost by NOT having this important knowledge.

For example, how a $20 ebook is nothing when you compare it to the [x] years (and [x] dollars) it took to learn the material on your own through trial-and-error... How many years (or months) you will slash off someone's learning curve for a measly $20... Or how convenient it is that all the research, testing and isolating the good strategies from the bad (which is a labor-intense, risky, mistake-filled and long-term experiential process) has been done for them.

I think you get the picture.

Also, spell it out for them to make it really clear. For example, if researching the strategies took [x] number of experiences, list them. If it took [x] number of dollars lost or invested, point it out (and make it as specific as possible, such as "this error cost me $34,578.41 to learn"). If it took you [x] number of years or months or days to learn [x] strategy (or to avoid [x] problem), disclose it, such as "6 traps to watch out for when buying a car -- it took me 11 weeks to learn this process on my own" (or "failing to follow any one of these can imprison you into a 5-year needlessly expensive financing plan.") Etc, etc, etc.

Yes we have managed to target women in the adwords and our advertising is geotargeted to Australia only (so much of the content is relevant only to the law in Australia as it affects banking, welfare, credit laws, consumer laws etc)

FYI some of the ads we are running are:

Women - be debt free
How to eliminate money worries
and turn your life around.

Budgeting Made Easy
Step by step we show you how.
Women, eliminate your money worries

Bankruptcy isn't the end
Women, eliminate your money worries
and turn your life around

Eliminate Money Worries
Especially for Australian women.
How to turn your life around.

CTR has been between 1% - 1.8% which I am reasonably happy with, considering we are filtering and pre-qualifying at this point. If anyone thinks these can be improved (and everything can be improved) giving consideration to the limitations imposed by Adwords (line length/language), I'd appreciate any thoughts.

Janet

Can you show us the AdWords copy (URLs and titles, too) and give us a list of sample keywords?