How important do you think the opening sentence/paragraph is? The immediate part after "Dear Friend"....

Can it have a dramatic effect on conversion?

What are some of your favorites? (swipe or your own)

Anyone have a particular strategy for this part of the copy?

I'm interested in hearing your responses and experiences.

Cheers,
Moose

Hi Moose,

The opening sentence and paragraph are key because they determine whether the reader will read further or not. Basically headline captures attention, and then first few sentences determine whether the reader is interested or not, and whether they will read more.

Hopefully some of the more experienced copywriters will answer the question about having a particular strategy or template for that part of the copy.

Jane

A strategy I almost always use is qualifying the reader, with a couple of statement or questions (Often in the If... then... framework). It helps you to connect with the reader, affirming their problems and emotions, empathise with them to make them feel understood, and it helps to weed out bad seeds (unqualified readers, tirekickers, etc)

It pulls the reader into the copy and starts to make a problem known after which you can move to a solution.

By the way, a little nugget of information: I studied Michel's works and his split tests indicate that removing the "Dear Friend," actually increases readership, except in highly defined niche markets. To me this can be explained by the fact that the Friend opening sounds inappropriate in mass-communication but is more suitable in a business that is only populated by a couple dozen entrepeneurs. More personal and intimate copy can be used in that case.

I avoid the Dear Friend as well - it always felt strange to me.

I've been doing something a little different than the "standard approach" of Headline, subhead then direct into the letter (nothing wrong with this), but what I have been trying is a longer bit of top Copy that continues in the flow of the headline - a kind of quick description of the offer, perhaps dispelling common myths or misconceptions that a reader might have subconsciously and hitting hard with "THE benefit" of the overall solution.

Then when I get to the "dear friend" part, I like to make this very personal, and help the reader to feel at ease, show them that there is a common thread between them and the person making the offer, "the client". Early failures, frustrations encountered... basically, "The problem" - I keep this part light, fun, even humorous if appropriate, and very down to earth.

The point being to build trust and enthusiasm to continue to the actual offer.

A letter that I just finished (not internet marketing related - but with a client who teaches very exclusive and incredible stuff and earns millions) starts this section...

-----

Hi, let me properly introduce myself, my name is ....

My BIG earnings started with BIG losses. I am very wealthy now, but believe it or not, at one time I was flat broke in a really bad way!

-----

It then goes on to talk about this client's very rough hardships, that are common to most of us, and his slow amazement in finding THE extremely profitable solution as a complete layman to the particular trade he is now a master at.

This approach is very effective and can be transferred to just about any theme.

1) real life pain and suffering (the problem - this includes unresolved desires), but written in a very person to person manner, and with a light touch, even funny, not heavy.

2) The gradual discovery of the solution.

3) Build on this with enthusiasm and excitement.

4) the benefits and actual offer now begins...

This is how I like to approach projects anyway.

Also, don't think of problems and solutions on a purely technical level, go deeper - think primal to start. The details can come later.

Example - for tracking software, a technical problem might be: not really knowing the visitor origin due to weak technology.

But what is the real problem in this example taking it further?

Potential blind marketing... even further... inefficient marketing... even further... lost sales... even further... less money going into your pocket... even further... less financial freedom to do what you really want to do. BINGO

The further down the road you go in finding the root problems - the more it touches everyone and makes it their problem. It doesn't matter who you are writing to, underneath all the colored hats people wear, you'll find a person.

If I limit the solution now being say, "our super gizmo tracking software has IP addresses added as a technical solution to make weak tracking stronger", the general response is... so what? Boring.

I only talked to the colored hats, and maybe just another programmer, 1 in a 1000 visitor, who is a tracking software buff. This is exactly what corporate writing is most often like. Very boring.

But...

If I can make a valid argument that having effective tracking software is demonstrated to will help alleviate the desire (problem) of becoming financially free... now that carries power, and touches everyone. I went beyond the hats.

There are only a handful of primal problems (desires) to be resolved for the human being that then take form in an infinite variety. Address the roots if you want to write effective copy.

Hope this helps,

Tim

Hi Tim,

I get what you're saying, but what if the primal desire/problem and the benefit of the product comes across as too general or too far removed from the actual product itself?

For example, you say "solve your financial worries with ....", but this seems far removed from tracking software.

I've thought about this before with the benefits of my services, and the problem I ran into was that the ULTIMATE benefits are the same as what everyone else is promising - greater profitability, fewer headaches etc. It can tend to get a bit intangible.

Any thoughts or tips on this?

Jane

I wonder how "Dear Reader" would measure in testing.



Peter Stone

Don't know.

It's less presumptious... sometimes I've seen, Dear Aspiring (whatever)...

Maybe Michel or someone else has done some testing here?

I think there are something like 6 or 7 primal desires. I don't have time to dig through my psychology/philosophy references, so I'm winging it here (it is very interesting stuff though).

1) desire for survival
2) desire to procreate (sex, etc.)
3) desire for power/fame
4) desire to be accepted/loved
5) desire to be free
6) altruistic desires

desire for wealth falls under one of the above - it isn't primal

In my experience, it is just important that you have these in mind while writing. It isn't practical to always address them specifically, but it is important that you know WHAT you are really addressing to avoid getting stuck on the surface benefits, or corporate speak.

It isn't something that I have a formula for, and I too am still figuring out what works best. But I do know that these primal desires carry the most power and go beyond the conscious, logical mind.

It's our jobs as copywriters to make the bridge between the logical reasons or benefits of an offer and their deeper laying primal benefits.

You are right in that it may sound silly to go straight to the primal without creating the bridge first. This is something I understand inuitively, but it is hard to put into words. I guess this is where the art of a copywriter comes into play - at least for me, it isn't a logical process, I just start to feel when it is getting close.

Like I said, it's just real important to know that those primal elements are there and that they are what really motivate people to act.

I hope this makes sense.

Tim

Removing "Dear Friend" (or any salutation) has decreased response significantly. Dear (something more "nichified" or personalized/customized) increases response even more.

To use an example John Carlton used as he recent copywriting sweatshop, "Dear John Smith" will beat "Dear Left-Handed Arthritic Bowler" which will beat "Dear Left-Handed Bowler" which will beat "Dear Bowler" which will beat "Dear Friend" which will beat nothing at all.

Tim,

Thanks for the info and tips. I guess the primal desires are akin to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I made up my own once - the 7 deadly sins!!

But yes, I can see that it is probably a case of appealing to the primal desire without necessarily directly naming or pointing to it. I shall put your notes in my copywriting tips file

Jane

Hey Moose!!

In my opinion the purpose of your 1st sentence is to get your reader to read your 2nd sentence. The purpose of your 2nd sentence is to get your reader to read the 3rd sentence... etc.

I got that from Advertsing Secrets of the Written Word by Joseph Sugarman. Great Book!!!

So yes, it can have DRAMATIC effect. If your reader isn't encouraged to keep reading and get involved in your copy then you lose them! Your first sentence is VERY important.