Aug. Iss. Copy-Doctor 2nd Opinion...

**Aug. Iss. Copy-Doctor 2nd Opinion... -** 09-26-2003, 02:03 AM

Hi, my website, roicruncher.com was featured as August's issue of copy-doctor. Since being brutally critiqued I've made the suggested changes and I need 2nd opinion on my new copy.

http://216.118.66.248/~roi/critique.doc

I have read over my new sales letter at least a few hundred times. So eventually it all starts to flow and make since to me

I will gladly give a copy of Roi Cruncher to those that give a serious critique and suggestions. Thanks!

Respectfully,

Shaan Yuhas

Alan Forrest Smith · **Re: Aug. Iss. Copy-Doctor 2nd Opinion... -** 09-26-2003, 04:04 AM

Shaan,

Basically you have done a good job. The changes "I" would make are subtle. Small changes can make a difference.

You headline ....

Quote:

"How much are your ad campaigns costing you?"

NO specifics of... " why do you ask such a question"? You would be clearer asking something like ...

Do You Know How Much Your Ad Campaigns Are Losing You Money?

It is slightly provokative and makes the reader think. Your ask a question that takes no thinking. They think ... sure I do, a fortune!

Your check boxes are good. I have sued them to good effect in the past. But ... a subtle change will work here.

You say ...

Quote:

1. Do you want to identify your most productive and profitable advertising campaigns that thrive on generating targeted traffic, leads, and paying cusotmers?

It would be better to say...

Want me to show you a proven, pinpoint accurate way identify the advertising campaigns that make you profit and the ones your wasting your money on right now?

The changes are very small but they answer a question in your targets mind. They make them think. It provokes more of a response.

Also it takes until page five until you hit me with the benefits ... why? It is to far down the page. Bring them to the top. Let them know right away what is in it for them. You need to hit them very quickly if you want them to read through to the end.

Fianlly, screenshots are good add more if you can but make sure they have their own comment or copy beneath them on what the shot is.

You also say...

Quote:

Dear Online Business Owner,

Listen, I understand how it feels, spending countless hours setting up and marketing multiple ad campaigns, only to get limited results - that barley average out into a profit.
It’s frustrating!

Get rid of the negative and start it more like...

Dear Online Business Onwer,

You wont beleive it! How about I show you a way to spend less time, less hours, less hassle creating ad campaigns abnd at the same time show you how to create explosive campaigns that pay more than your mortgage?

Or something like. Just be more positive and hit them with it. Your visitors are probably down with their ads or they wouldnt be looking for you.

You have to lift them. Make you copy answer therir quesation but at the same time lift them.

Short I know but I hope it helsp. Your offers are good and the closers are good just make a few subtle changes and I think it should work better.