Jack, you know darn well that It won't require that much money to hire a copywriter, so I know you're just saying this in jest.
In fact, I think what is needed is an experienced marketer that has copywriting experience than just hiring a plain-jane copywriter.
Whatever you do -- DO NOT simply throw your money away on advertising just because you have the funds available.
With your exceptional budget, I would "hire" an expert rather than trying to do this yourself.
In fact, if you do this right (with the right professional), you could probably do this for one-tenth of your budget.