Hello,

One of the problems I have is that I need to sell a service much like a therapist or lawyer might want to sell their service.

The typical customer wants a "professional" message which communicates credibility.

I found that "Ginsu" technique will turn them off pretty quickly (although some will be drawn and sign-up). But stale text might not move them to give you their credit card information.

Are there any article/posts which talk about how to tailor the writing to this type of audience looking for this type of "professional" service?

Thanks again!!

Steve

Steve,
I've written lots of copy for professional sites, since I specialize in health writing. Unfortunately, many people in the scientific/corporate world let their sites become victims of what I call "corporate speak": they use multi-syllabic words, talk down to readers, and proclaim how excellent they are without trying to reach the customer.
Sometimes, it takes gentle education to let a professional provider realize that "sales" isn't unprofessional; that discussing the benefits of their service, and asking for closure isn't a bad thing.
I personally believe that excellent writing for professional services uses the same elements that make any copywriting, whether direct marketing, an online sales letter, or marketing pharmaceutical development consulting work well: reaching the client with a message that they need to hear. Communicating with them clearly. Let them know the problem the client is solving.
A marketing site might proclaim, "Drive traffic to your site"... because quite honestly that;s a problem that many sales sites face. A pharmaceutical development firm would want to address other benefits, such as decreased time from the start of a clinical trial to the development of the drug through all phases...and the money saved as a result.
A lawyer needs to reassure clients that he or she is credible, credentialed, and can help them with their concerns.
Once you understand the needs of the customers, then you can write your copy to address this need, in the language that the client uses. Whether I write a site for a Wall Street Executive recruitment firm located on Park Avenue, for a firm that sells quality jewelry, or an online marketing professional who wants a sales letter that tells others why his or her product is the best, I try to do this one thing:
Imagine their client is sitting next to me, asking about their product/service. What questions will they have? What concerns do they have? What language will they use (this is where demographics are a godsend in many cases; I know the education level, age, etc. of those I'm writing to).
What do they NEED? How can the client fill that need?
Answer these questions, write as if you and the client were talking to one another, and your copy will be right.
I hope this helps,
Sheri

Hi Sheri,

Thanks for your reply. I wish I had received your post a week ago before I hired someone else to do some copywriting/editing. Hopefully he lives up to my expectations

Thanks again,
Steve

Steve,

I faced this exact problem recently with a client of mine. Why is it some clients feel they know better than a copywriter even though though have no idea? They gradully changed my copy back to the old copy that never pulled.

In the end I asked him to either do it my way with a compromise or I wouldnt do it for them. They would lose their deposit and have to start all over again.

In the end they decided to let me just do it.

You can see the blend of both on this page. Not my usual style but it played to their audience and at the same time did what it had to do ... pulled a result for them.

Check out the demo page here. Please dont send anyone outside this board to this page.

http://www.orangebeetle.com/projects...ary-emailx.htm

Blend or not, that's a good letter.


Peter Stone

Thank you

I am so glad that this subject is getting addressed, I was just about to post the same questions...

Alan, that is some clean copy - just by looking at it, you gave me some wonderful ideas - thanks.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it looks and sounds like to write well for a "professional" market, the actual presentation (graphics, clean look, etc.) become another very important role?

It also looks like the hyperbole tone is reduced to a degree to make the presentation more acceptable?

Sheri, thank you too for your helpful comments - I will take them to heart in my own challenge.

What I was planning on writing as an original post, before I saw this thread (I want to post it anyway to see if this triggers further insights... I need all the help I can get!) was...

-----

I have a tracking software product promotion that we have been testing now for some time, exploring the market response. According to our results, it has become apparent that our tracking solution is better off competing with products like WebTrends for bigger businesses, or serious online marketers, not so much for newbies (at least for the moment).

Our product can really give the competition a run for their money, both for price and quality. (I am not trying to sell you here, I need help understanding how one writes, in a way that works, for a "professional" market).

My intent is to create 2 separate sales letters - the existing one: http://www.smartracking.biz for more general promotions, and another one (yet to be done), for larger corporations.

My dilemma is this. I have a fairly hard hitting sales letter that goes for getting individuals to sign up to a free 15 day free trial. I thought this would be brainless, but instead I am finding that it isn't so brainless after all (but this is another story), anyway our CR% for free trial sign-ups is hovering around 6%.

I have had several individuals (who have signed up) saying how much they like the product, and how they would love to present it to their company management, but don't dare to because of the hyperbole sales approach. They say that the management won't even look at such an offer - they will discard it immediately.

I have followed the long thread on long sales copy here (excellent info there BTW), and I too have been in the middle of a hot crossfire battle with Nick Usborn and the I-copywriting crowd regarding the salesletter that I listed above. I got blasted by one reader pretty good... but I have to say, Nick was very neutral on the subject, and if anything he was almost defending my long sales letter approach...

I don't care about getting blasted or praised, I am interested in what works, and in this particular case towards a "professional" audience as I don't have experience in this area as of yet. Help?

-----

This is what I had prepared before I saw this thread. Both Alan and Sheri have already helped me alot with their posts, but seeing my specific example now, I am wondering if further ideas come to mind to any of you. I am all ears - thanks so much.

Tim

Tim,

Thanks your very kind. You said...

Yes absolutely crucial. Its not so much of doing it different or soemthing new but more of giving them something they are used to seeing. Familiar formatting but very clean.

Online copy needs breaking up. Graphics, bullets, bolding, underlines etc do just that. Same goes with fonts. Some fonts online in the usual size ar poor to read. For example if you use Times font on 10 points it is unreadable. Yet Times on 10-24 in headlines gives a very classic feel.

Use Arial on 10 and that is fine. Use it on 24 and it looks a liitle cheap. Just use well used, familiar fonts. Dont make eyes re-learn cause you want to be different!

Dont re-invent the wheel just keep it clean. Slick. Familiar.

Again, nice compliments, thanks.

YOUR PAGE.

At a glance the headline did nothing for me. It means nothing to a first time visitor. You know Tim I can spend weeks on Headlines. Once its right 90% of the copy is done. The headline should tell the story... does yours?

Dont be scared of being direct. Just tell the story in the headline. You say...
Why not say...

Smart Tracking Is Proven To Increase Web Page ROI By Up To 300%

Or something like that.

Also it takes far too long to get into the offer. Why all the ramble. Get right into the offer and hit hthem with your best stuff right away.

Screenshots for this product are a must... do it. That will provide PROOF that its real and does the job you say. It also breaks up the long copy.

You know I love newspaper copy. Its clever stuff. The job of the editor is to get you to read the copy. How does he do that? Go grab a papaer and study the pages. There is no better learning courses out there. Copy that stuff and you will get readers.

Gotta go Tim, short I know but hope it helps you.

Thanks Alan!

Hmmm... good food for thought... I was approaching it differently.

You know it's funny you mention the headline, to be honest, I have never really liked it. It was my first try a few months ago. Since then, I rewrote it a few times, but the CR% always dropped... so we kept coming back to it again (reluctantly). I'm glad to hear that I am not the only one that can end up working to find just the right headline...

It is also funny that you mentioned the 300% improvement as an idea... that one line has been the biggest point of controversy from critics (self proclaimed critics that is)... what I have gathered from reading posts here, from Pros (not critics), is to discard the complaining voices (they don't buy).

This is helping me tremendously to wade through the mud.

I too had thought to add screen shots, I think they will help. You are confirming basically what I was feeling, and I tell you, this helps.

Again, after looking at your example, I now have some good ideas on how to clean up our page.

Thanks again - I'll keep you all posted on my testing results (at least we have good tracking software to let us know what is working )

Tim

Great, test like crazy