hi all.

i am new to the board and just getting started creating several web-businesses, this is one of my first sites. i wrote the copy myself. i would love some feedback. by the way, john carlton is my favorite copywriter and i triy to emulate his style on this. also, because of ftc regulations i told a story that is 100% true. my biggest concern is that i want to remain annonymous as to the nature of the site, yet i don't want to lose credibility.

http://www.beat-your-drug-test.com


thanks

Hey,


I don't know how to make it better, but I like the story behind the report
And, I'm pretty sure that people need your report.

In my humble opinion you only need to promote the report like there's no tomorrow.

Are you promoting the report in off-line media?

You don't have a title - it says untitled document.

You can post a press release at www.prweb.com.

Could you give us some numbers? Conversion rate? At first glance, it seems to be that the copy is very good. I may change a few things, but out of personal preference and not necessarily out of necessity.

Michel,

thanks for the positive feedback, it makes me very happy to hear that you think the copy is good. i sweated every word for weeks.

so far i am building traffic but the metrics look really good with a 5+% conversion rate.

you'll also notice that i don't ask for an opt-in. my thoughts on this were that since this is a topic most people are secretive about an opt-in form might disuade them from purchasing. does anyone else have an opinion on this?

spublish

" I have no idea how you got to this website"

After getting to that part, I closed it straight down.

Great product, would buy myself, and wish this kinda thing was around in my teen years but that opening statement just killed the hype.

So let me get this straight...

You have a 5+% conversion rate, and you want to make it better?

Good Luck!

Here's a better idea:

Think about JVing this with as many people you can. Contact any list owners, that could possibly fit this criteria (which potentially could be anyone)... and broker a JV deal and go off and make a ton of money!

Possible JV partners:
Seduction community
Unions
All sports... (track, football, etc.--huge opportunity there)

...and on and on.

I'd have to sit here for a minute to brainstorn all the possible partners, but I don't have the time.

I've got to get back to work. I'm writing an ad for a software product... and the learning curve has been a pain in the butt! I've spent much more time on the research part of this ad, than I normally.

But, you've got a winner... especially if you're getting 5% conversion.

Ok, after reading your whole sales letter now I must say you've covered nearly everything.

The story is exceptional... you explain all the reasons to buy that matter to your PROSPECT... really important things attached with their emotions...

Like you mention their job, private life, family - you coudn't have picked a better plea bargain for a better audience...

God damnit it makes me want to purchase - the only thing stopping me is that I don't even do drugs... lol. Not mentioning any names, but I'll pass your link onto a few "buddies" of mine who could use your help.

Cheers

I thought he might have grabbed that here:

The Gary Halbert Letter

John

Guys, can we come back to the original thread, please? I really don't want to lock this thread...