Hi CopyGuy,

You open your copy stating that the most important thing is a hook. I think to use this angle you are going to have to lead by example and have a great hook in your head/subhead.

I find headings hard and they take me hours to come up with and I usually cheat and look at ad's in my swipe folder to give me ideas.

Perhaps try a Dan Kennedy style approach like:

"Here's how a road sweeper from croatia used a revolutionary new internet conversion technique developed by psycologists and technicians at Germanies leading universities to outsell, outperform and outprofit hundreds of experienced internet marketers within his first week of trading by 500%. Read on to find out what this method is and how you too can implement it on your site within 7 days..

But first, what is the most important factor in turning a visitor into a sale?..."

You could then go on to either:

-Eventually disclose its a fictious hook to prove a point
-Do a little research and alterations to make some psuedo science stick and re-hash an internet conversion ebook into a 7 step program.

I think your aim here is to get details of people who want to increase conversions on their websites. I am not sure that fully disclosing your sale will achieve you the highest conversion rate of people to market to.

I have been lead generating for around 7 years now although I only recently discovered the copywriting community. In my experience you need to arouse interest and anticipation in the reader, promising them answers to the amazing questions if only they read on a little further and then hit them with a form they have to put their details into to get the final report on the secret formula/method. If you arouse a sufficient level of interest in your target market (saying they will increase profits by 500% may do this) then they will complete their details just to see what it is (especially if they believe it is a scam). That is when your back end marketing kicks in. You could start your report emailed out to them with something like

"Guess what? There is no secret formula...! But read on and i'll tell you a simple way I improved conversions on one of my clients sites by 500%"

Not as slick as it could be but gone midnight and with a few empty tinnies round me its the best I can do.

At this point you should give them some useful information and fully disclose that you are a copy writer and hit them up with your USP, benefits, guarantees etc..

Why do I say to do it like this? I am not saying use these words I'm just saying your goal should be to get as many details as possible of people who need marketing copy. Giving a few tit bits of info about copy writing and then saying "Hi I'm a copy writer, hire me if you like" will get you people who hit your site specifically looking to hire a copywriter (maybe) but you will be missing out on a lot of possible sales.

Pretty much all of the well known copywriters have a newsletter for a reason, it gets them business. Once you get the details start sending out marketing tips on a regular basis and promoting yourself along the way.

Another point I noticed is you only have 1 noticible close in the copy right at the end. You should aim to have the reader mentally say "yes" a good few times before you drop your final close on them.

For example questions like:

"Would you like me to tell you the secrets for generating online wealth?"

"Sven made £500,000 on his first day. Now that's good stuff isn't it?"

Basically, anything that you KNOW they will answer yes to. Litter these through your copy after you have explained a new point.

My copywriting is very rough (I now use a copywriter to re-write my copy before it goes live) but I have been making a profit in a very competed market with techniques like this for a few years now.

Btw, I couldn't help noticing on your main page you have a testimonial

"330% Increase…
If his website was converting 0% and it went up 330% it would still be converting 0%. I know he is probably saying that his overall sales including offline sales went up but you might want to ask him to re-word his testimonial as it was the first thing i noticed when i hit the page. Your title graphic is exported on a high res setting and takes a little while to load so testimonial stands out.

I interviewed around 18 copywriters before I found one I was happy with so I have had a lot of copywriters pitch me and can talk from experience as to what I found most convincing.

I can say, without doubt, the only ones I really paid any attention to were the ones that portrayed themselves as the guru or expert in their field. Everything about their copy said they knew what they were talking about. They were seasoned veterans in the field of copywriting and making money and everytime they made a claim they backed it up with an example or a story. I am sure some of them had only been copywriting for a short time but the presentation was impressive and confident.

Reading your copy I felt you lacked this guru image that would make me want to buy from you.At one point you make a claim and backed it up with "many top copy writers say...". In my opinion things like this should be said like "And I'm not the only top copywriter that says this..."

I know you haven't asked for comments on the main page but I had a read of it anyway and it seems like your USP is that you used to know nothing about copywriting but found a few "gems" and now you know a thing or two and can repeat them. As a buyer in this market place I can say that it doesn't fill me with confidence needed to make a purchase.

I know what I have said may sound harsh but I really think you should start to portray yourself as a guru and not someone who did a few courses from people who actually know what they are doing.

If you really have studied every course out there then you should have lots to write about, remember, If you don't have a lot of previous clients you can tell a story about a company you didn't deal with to prove a point or substantiate a claim. I.e. reference successful campaigns and what made them successful.

I have assumed that you are a new copywriter, if you aren't im sorry dude, feel free to flame the hell outta me.