Hi Jenn, and welcome.

You've received about ten grand in actionable advice from real pros already in this thread. (Ricky in particular gave you stellar notes) Now, here's my $1.50 thrown on top...

Much has been said of the headlines. I understand there are 3 separate ones there for feedback purposes. Problem is, only the first one (which if I understand correctly is the control) is any good.

Being new as you are, you'll need some inspiration and direction (read: SWIPE). PM me for 2 killer pdfs of headline swipes. They were gold to me when I was starting out.

On to your opening...

I'm a big believer in stirring pain up front - you're doing that pretty well. But, it's all been said to this market. So, better to quicken the pace and move on to what is new/different/better about this method.

Here's a sample from a info-marketing piece that converted at a steady 5%:


Dear Internet Marketer,

Tell me if I'm right...

You feel trapped in your job… held back by wasted days doing tasks you hate for lousy pay... you know there is great money in Internet marketing, but it's confusing… and you wish you knew which way to turn so you can finally get started!

If that's you, I believe you came to this page for a reason. And what you're about to discover is bigger than anything you could have expected.

See, I got to where I am today — commanding HUGE paydays as a wildly successful online marketer — by doing the same thing you're doing right now. Searching out the masters, trying to learn their secrets, and testing out every method I came across.

And for a while, success eluded me too.

But then I found it. The magic formula, the missing link, the holy grail! It seemed so easy once I finally put it together.

The money came pouring in — just like I'd always heard it could.

And it felt incredible — just like I knew it would.



A few, short, quick reading paragraphs that get straight to the point, speak empathetically to the prospects situation, and lead straight into the solution.

You don't have time to chit chat with the hardened IM crowd. They're in the business (or trying to be at least), they've heard it all. Right now you're telling knock knock jokes at the Friar's club. Keep searching for a way to make it unique - and quick.

That may seem like a tall order right now. But, you're a good writer. Just keep writing. You'll get closer with every pass.

Best,