| Re: Critize; A Copy Calling On Foreign Investors -
05-10-2008, 02:09 PM
Couple of quick points.
Newly discovered "rigs" or "deposits" (or whatever you call it when it's still untapped underground or offshore)?
Rigs are man-made. To call them "discovered" doesn't make sense. You could say, "newly constructed."
If we're talking about something man-made, the number 300 makes sense. If not, consider Mother Nature rarely shares humankind's predilection for round numbers. And readers sense it even if they're not consciously aware of it.
It's good you've got a number (like 300) in there because "specificity = credibility."
But it's not enough. Can you attribute this statistic to a respected trade journal or newspaper or to a credible website... and date it?
If you do have a source and the number is not 300 but really 298, that's even better. In general, round numbers come across as less believable. Finally, the second part of the headline still fails to tie this info back to the reader's self-interest.
You've mentioned what foreign companies need but what do I need? How do I come into the picture? Get this connection established now or you'll lose them pronto.
Again, about specificity, can you mention these companies by name or by obvious descriptions like, "The largest oil company in Western Europe."? |