Hi Copyguy,

Each word in a sales letter must have a reason for being there... otherwise conversion suffers.

The main headline isn't bad (if you're allowed to make guarantees of weight loss in your market).

But the pre-head could be stronger.

Pre-heads should flow into the main headline gracefully. Having it end with an ellipsis would help. And putting it in italics also helps drive the eye forward.

As such, having it in question form makes it less hypnotic right from the start. Also, it's too vague and cliched to have the impact it's striving for.

One way to solve this problem is to use some of the content from your first set of bullets. (BTW, "magic pill" doesn't add anything new to "diet pill.")

For example, something along the lines of...

If you're finally fed up with so-called magic pills and bogus gizmos...