I don't know your market well enough to know if this is the right direction...so I'll comment strictly on the style and copy itself.

Your sentences are way too long. Cut them into thirds, and don't say in 5 words what you could say in 2. This isn't a novel. It's copy.

I think someone mentioned above that you're dilly dallying with the main point. Just get to it. I don't need a reminder that the price of gas is high. Besides, the price of gas doesn't ACTUALLY tie in with your point.

The first half of your letter could be put into 1 paragraph.

PS - notice how short my sentences are. They were easy to read and they kept your attention...didn't they.