Making it shorter and getting out of question mode are definitely good ideas.

One way to make it shorter is to use a pre-head.

Often, pre-heads call out the target audience.

Something as simple and direct as:

Attention Aspiring Internet Marketers...

This way, at the very least, the reader identifies with the premise for being on the page.

Another point to consider is the use of words like "this."

Where would "this" generate more curiosity?

In connection with the event? Or, the millionaire marketer per se?

Also, "this" presumes the reader has already bought into the premise for reading this particular sales letter.

It's too soon to jump to that conclusion.