So you decided not to go with the graphics Mr. Subtle used in this thread? Dang.

I like the second page better because it doesn't open with that long story in italics. Maybe you could add more subheads throughout and make sure the subheads are pithy. I only gave it a quick read but didn't see that you said anything about how your product differs from others. Your offer could be stronger too.

The design is good. I'd love to see an anxiety-ridden Toon in the header, however.

--Anita