Hi Marcia.

I think you would pick up your sales by using a different headline and lead. Here's something you might think about using. You wrote:

"Learning how to create a winning sales letter campaign enables you to generate business in the volume you want whenever you want it.

For me, mid-December through mid-January is the quietest time of year. But I don’t have to suffer that slump in cash flow if I don’t want to, because I have the remedy: a sales letter like the one you’re reading now. Whatever your slow time of year, this can work for you too, and for your clients"

That has potential. Off the top of my head: "Let Me Show You How To Create a Winning Sales Letter So You Will Have The Business Volume You Want Whenever You Want It"

Your personal bit following the headline (see above) is good, it's a puller, but I would re-work it as a 'but not any more' rather than "If I don't want to".

Highlight the idea that this can be adapted to email, if that's the true case -or...

Yes, put together what you call an update with email, but instead of doing what you propose, produce it as a separate bonus to build out your offer - you also get... Or as an incentive - If you order before the end of (month), you'll also receive...

Before you go to the trouble of putting together the bonus, see if the headline and lead don't work for you. I would give it a quick test. Holiday dollars are going to be a concern soon, as you know, so that might throw your test. But I think you'll be ok if you try it right away.

Who usually buys from you? If your market consists of writers, you could headline it for them. That's where it starts - with the market.

Let's start there - who buys from you that you already have access to? Another way to phrase that question: Who can you reach affordably that you think would have an interest? We'll test your answer and if it shows life, we can build on that.


Peter Stone
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