Mark,
I wasn't really inclined to read much further after this paragraph:
Quote:
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The StratPlan Wizard consists of a detailed Strategic planning guide and an amazing hands-on electronic workbook. The system gives you absolute clarity on what you want your business to become, and profound insights into how you are going to reach that ultimate destination. Plus, you get an amazing set of tools for launching strategic action in your business. Strategic Action that make your business dreams come true.
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Your product could probably help me. But, as I have outlined in another thread, this type of approach does not demonstrate credibility to me. The copy does not speak directly to my pain, and phrases such as "amazing set of tools" and the hypey pitch just have my barriers up straightaway. My mind is saying "oh no, not another overpriced, shonky internet info product that only half works".
I skimmed a bit further and saw some diagrams and things that made me think this might be a genuine and intelligent product. But, then I saw the list of bonuses. Firstly - there are so many, it's overwhelming. When would I find time to read the books that come with the strategy planner, let alone all the other stuff? Secondly, I know at least 2 of those bonuses are freely available on the internet e.g. Michel's 10 Commandments of Power Positioning - it's a viral e-book which is what got me to copy-doctor and this forum. To my mind, these sorts of bonuses damage the credibility of your product.
However, I am making 2 assumptions here. My first is that you want to attract genuine business people and not just dreamers who have more money than sense, and the second is that your product is a serious business tool like the other Business Planning tools I've run across.
A lot of the software sold from sites with a similar style to your own are utter rubbish. They do one thing, and one thing only, and quite often they don't even do it that well. If your product is not like this, and is in the league of proper business tools then you shouldn't have to bargain basement it like this with all these blasted bonuses.
These are my views and experience as a potential customer of yours, not as a copywriter. My overall feeling is that the product is cheapened, and you don't demonstrate credibility by using this approach.
But it may well be that my opinion is not relevant. Serious business people need a more serious approach; hobbyists (idiots?) might quite like it.
Who is your target market?
Jane