Mark,

Overall the copy itself isnt that bad but ... the intro needs to be a lot stronger. Let me explain.

David Ogilvy proved in tests that changing a headline could increase response rates by over 1,500%.

Your headline and intro are very weak and the flow is poor. You say ...

Quote:

How To Put Yourself In The Job You Want In The Next Six Weeks

I say...

How To Get Your Perfect Job In ... Six Weeks ... Or Less!

Subtle change but a lot stronger, do you agree?


You Say ...

Quote:

Make Sure Your CV Passes The 30 Second Test. Stop Being Turned Down for Interviews And Put Your Career On The Path To More Money, A Better Life And A Brighter Future...

I say ...

Never Get Refused An Interview Again With A CV Most Job Seekers Could Only Dream About ....

Or somethingg like. In other words ... they need more strength and punch. Brief, pushed for time but hope it helps.